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dear body

April 17, 2010

Dear body,

I have asked you do so much already, I know. I have asked to run marathons, finish half-ironmans and throw yourself (repeatedly) onto the floor after a little white ball.

I have appreciated you, even loved you at times, but I know there have been other times when I was a little disappointed in you. You maybe didn’t look quite like I wanted you to, or perform quite the way I expected but, overall, we have had a pretty good relationship.

Even in the last eight months, I have asked you to lift weights, cycle, run, walk, and jump.  I know. It’s more than you wanted to do on most occasions, but you have handled it all so well.

You have done it all without so much as a broken bone, a surgery, or a failure.

This probably isn’t the last time I ask something of you (for your own good…), but listen to this very special request I have for you: please make this all go as planned. Please send me clear signals, start and progress at a normal pace, and deliver this little boy into the world. I can stand exhausting and I can stand pain, but let’s let it all go smoothly. Please don’t do anything crazy– no weird umbilical wrapping, no spikes in blood pressure, and no stalling. Trust me, neither one of us (or the three of us, for that matter) wants to end up in the operating room.

I have done my best these last few months to prepare us both mentally and physically for this challenge. I have practiced my Hypnobirthing, stayed active, and read as much as I could about this event. Please do as you have done for some many other challenges that have faced us both. It’s too late now to back out. You have one week until he’s “fully cooked” (how time has flown by…) so let’s buck up and get this done.

Sooner rather than later.Thanks.


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secret admission.

April 6, 2010

Here is my secret that no one else will say:

I don’t know if I love him yet.

I am sure that I will. And I am sure that the minute they put him on my chest when he is born, I will be endlessly in love with the little man, but right now, I don’t know. Our relationship, to be honest, is kind of strange. He keeps me up at night. He kicks me in the ribs all day long. He makes me tired and still a little nauseous.

I keep reading on other blogs about mothers that are “in love.” Really? It took more for me to fall in love with Dustin than him giving me gas and punching me in the ribs. (He waited for the second date to do that…) I don’t fall in love quite like that. Well, I never have before.

The emotions I feel are different than any love I’ve known before. I’ll be the first to admit that I am curious and interested in this little man. We have an ultrasound tomorrow and I can’t wait to see how he’s developed (and if he has a big mop of hair like I did when I was born!!). Do I feel a new sense of responsibility? Yes. Intrigue? Yes. Excitement? Yes. But love? I am sure I will.

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latest gripe.

April 6, 2010

I know I am not the tallest of the tall; there are friends of mine that are taller, with longer, lankier legs, but I stand above the average joe. (or josephina). Why is it that maternity pants can’t come in longer lengths? Why is it that, as soon as you become pregnant, you must start dressing like a “mom?” I won’t do it.

Luckily, it has only been in the past few weeks that maternity clothes have even become somewhat necessary and I can still get away with leggings in most situations.

But really. I know Heidi Klum has tried, among others, to actually produce clothing that isn’t flowered or tent-like for pregnant women, but those things still make me look bigger (and wider) than I am. As a matter of fact, I can feel my face, feet and hands swell when I try them on– just in response to rayon and pink. Not nice. I have found more success with long tank tops, stretchy dresses and old cardigans than any maternity store. (plus cute shoes and jewelry).

I thought we were all celebrating my body? Why are people trying to wrap it in ugliness. I won’t give in.

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birthday gift.

March 29, 2010

Doesn’t it sound like a perfectly lovely birthday afternoon? A couple’s massage. Dustin, sly attempt to get himself a massage under the guise of getting me one for my birthday. It sounds so thoughtful! We could relax together, hang out, enjoy some quiet before baby comes…

But, what he didn’t say is that last time we did this he fell asleep. And what you may not know is that, when he falls into a deep, relaxing sleep, he has a tendency to snore. Not cute little drool-y snores like he’s completely relaxed, but full, I-am-in-a-deep-sleep rumbles. There’s nothing worse than trying to relax through the constant drone of a snore-er. But I wanted that mommy massage so badly that I thought I could make it through anything.

Bless his heart, he stayed awake the whole time.

the pregnant lady birthday dinner.

March 29, 2010

Everyone thought I was nuts. I could tell they were all humoring the pregnant lady. Until they took a bit of yummy, delicious, salty and sweet chicken and waffles. For the record, Dustin’s sister, a notoriously, self-proclaimed picky eater turned her nose up at first, but came around and agreed that it was pretty good. See. I am not crazy.

This comes from my LA days and a good, happy helping of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, complete with church clothes and contraband purses on the sidewalk. Birthday dinner brought me right back to those sunny, hungover (late) mornings! And a meal splurge that is only acceptable for hangovers and birthday dinners.

It was a wonderful end to a wonderful 29th birthday.


March 23, 2010

A little nugget that just popped into my inbox.

Lovely. I must think of someone special to nominate. Someone who really deserves the honor of sitting around talking about what other people are sitting around talking about.

the new game at the Jessup home.

March 23, 2010

The new game at our house is called “hide the guest bedroom in the living room.” Believe it or not, that is a full-sized queen bed-as-a-couch. Once the screen is built, this never-once-been-used room in our house will be home to the three guests that we have sleep at our house every year. Who do you know that offers their guests a huge room complete with fireplace?

Good news for all three of you prospective guests: this room is far away and removed from the baby’s room, our room and midnight feeding/crying episodes.