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secret admission.

April 6, 2010

Here is my secret that no one else will say:

I don’t know if I love him yet.

I am sure that I will. And I am sure that the minute they put him on my chest when he is born, I will be endlessly in love with the little man, but right now, I don’t know. Our relationship, to be honest, is kind of strange. He keeps me up at night. He kicks me in the ribs all day long. He makes me tired and still a little nauseous.

I keep reading on other blogs about mothers that are “in love.” Really? It took more for me to fall in love with Dustin than him giving me gas and punching me in the ribs. (He waited for the second date to do that…) I don’t fall in love quite like that. Well, I never have before.

The emotions I feel are different than any love I’ve known before. I’ll be the first to admit that I am curious and interested in this little man. We have an ultrasound tomorrow and I can’t wait to see how he’s developed (and if he has a big mop of hair like I did when I was born!!). Do I feel a new sense of responsibility? Yes. Intrigue? Yes. Excitement? Yes. But love? I am sure I will.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 7, 2010 7:08 pm

    I am sure you will too, but, it does take time (sometimes). It takes time for everything to sink in… to fully realize. 🙂 It is amazing when they hand you your baby, but just wait until he’s looking into your eyes and trying to utter: “mama”. It just gets better and better.

  2. Kati Radziwon permalink
    April 7, 2010 8:18 pm

    Very true post! And…the other secret is that although you will be extremely protective of him right away, you still may not be head over heels in love the minute you meet him. I was, and many women are…but not everyone is smitten right from the beginning, and that is perfectly fine! And…even though I loved him right away, it was also hard and life changing in a whole new way that can be frustrating and exhausting, while blissful at the same time. I know that doesn’t make sense, but you will see what I mean.
    The best part is…once you DO love him…it is a love like you have never know (even your husband…it is just different). The kind that you physically ache when you think about or look at him. The kind that is irrational and uncontrollable and utterly amazing!
    He is so lucky to get you as a mommy! Good luck!

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