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hello, feet.

May 18, 2010

Hello, down there. You look so small compared to the belly.

It’s been so long since we could we could properly interact. I am starting to miss you. Soon enough you will wear lace-up shoes again, I promise. But for now, you will have to do with only a fresh coat of pink polish applied by Carly at the salon and flip flops.

If I am planning to be staring at you for an extended period of time, you should, at very least, look nice.


dear little boy.

May 14, 2010

Dear little boy,

Your time has come. Time to move on and move out. Time to breathe, eat and sleep by your own means. Ready? Your due date is next Saturday. Think of this as an eviction notice with fair warning.


Your Mom.

just seen on the street.

May 14, 2010

While I was sitting on the sidewalk this afternoon in front of a coffee shop waiting for someone, I saw a little boy get out of the car with his Dad. He was holding a compass. As they walked toward the door, all I could hear was the little boy, following along with his head down, “Now we’re going West, now we’re going Northwest…” and then they disappeared into the shop. Mesmerized by life.

I can’t wait.

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16 and pregnant

May 5, 2010

This show is like a car crash. I just can’t.turn.away.

Maybe it’s because I have been watching my own belly grow while I see theirs balloon over the course of the first half hour, but I am blown away by every episode. On multiple levels.

For starters, I can’t imagine going through this when I was 16. Now, I worry about knowing about the latest child-related recalls and picking the right pre-schools, I don’t think I could have handled it then. My brain didn’t have room for strollers and proper car seat installation. At all. It would just be so hard. SO much harder than it is now, which is no cake-walk.

And their partners! I am confident and comfortable in my relationship, and I know Dustin can’t quite understand why I need a back rub EVERY night with (less than, ahem) three weeks to go. But I can’t even imagine him at 16 being up for all this (and I knew him at 16, so that’s a very educated guess.)

And being a working mother, like I obsessed about in the last post? Shoot. Graduating from high school! Then what? The book that stemmed the last post doesn’t even account for the fact that I am becoming a mother AFTER completing a graduate degree and how much it will still affect me. What about these girls?

I can’t decide if I watch because it makes me feel a little more confident? Like, if they can do it, I can do it. Or if I watch just because my jaw sits on the floor for the entire hour.

See. It’s just like a car crash. No, and impending car crash.

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working mama

May 5, 2010

Recently, I have spent some time thinking about what it means (to me) to be a mother. Everyone can quote the statistics: Moms make less money and have less chance at getting into and staying in fast-track professions (architecture included? But, of course). Dads benefit from the fact that they look more responsible and committed almost instantly. So that means that I now find myself at a crossroads with the age-old dilemma. How am I going to tackle this change? Well, head on, of course.

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a working mother. I know I need balance in my life. (Ask the dogs. The last week of us being home together has almost sent them both to “the farm.”– and I don’t mean Ina May‘s.) But how to do the best at both jobs and stay sane? Only time will tell, but I am glad I have a decent track record of being over-committed. Normally, that’s when I do my best.

And that’s just what I intend to do– my best. I have been lucky enough to find a job (after the research grant I was working on at the University ran out last week) where I get to do design work, move toward licensure, and work from home/virtually. Good thing I am a time-management drill sargeant.

Little boy, you may rule the roost, but I have found a way for both of us to get what we need. And that’s how I intend to be a Mom.

So here’s to a life of “doing my best.”

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best horror story ever.

May 4, 2010

Last night I ran into the mother of some old friends and heard what would qualify as my absolute worst nightmare right now. She was pregnant with my friend (a few years back…) and was due May 17. She gave birth on July 5.


I keep telling everyone that I hope he comes early. We are down to less than three weeks, so I am really OK with him coming at any time. People always look at me with sad eyes and I can tell they are thinking that there’s no way he will come early. I know this. I know that, if he’s anything like me, he will be right on time. But still. I would like to keep thinking positive thoughts. I was a week early and I was a first baby!!

There’s hope. Don’t take that away from me now!!

PS- the woman in the image is pregnant with 12 babies in Tunisia. It could always be worse…

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together time.

April 17, 2010

The best vote of confidence I have ever had:

Leaving the hospital after our tour the other night, Dustin turned to me and said, “I can’t wait to see you do this. You’re going to kick some a$$”

Love him.

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